


The Struggle Of Being Blind

by Houndsof221b



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anger, Angst, Desperation, Matt Murdock/Claire Temple Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3817600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houndsof221b/pseuds/Houndsof221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an explosion, Matt loses some of his sense, leaving him blinder and more helpless than ever. <br/>On top of that, it seems like it's permanent. <br/>Matt has to face the new struggle and all the emotional trauma that comes with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blind, Blinder, Blindest

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, Anon, for 'requesting' this on tumblr :)   
> I hope you enjoy it so far!

Beep... Beep... Beep...  
That was the only thing Matt heard in his haze. Half unconscious, half awake.  
The beeping and silence. Complete and utter silence.  
That kind of silence, he had last heard before the accident that blinded him, but gave him heightened senses instead. 

Matt forced himself to wake up completely and when he opened his eyes, a hand suddenly touched his.  
He was scared. If there was another person in the room, why couldn't he hear their heartbeat or breathing or just sense them being there?  
The beeping sounded with a quicker interval now and then he heard a muffled voice. It was female and familiar.  
“Matt, it's alright. Stay calm.”, the voice said and it seemed like he was underwater, dull and quiet. Hardly audible.  
“Where am I?”, he wanted to know, his own voice seeming strange to himself.  
“You're at the hospital.”, the voice said again.  
“Claire?”, Matt asked, thinking he recognized her voice.  
“Yeah, it's me.”, she answered, squeezing his hand a little tighter.  
“What happened to me?”, Matt wanted to know, because he knew there was something very wrong with him. The only heartbeat in the room he could hear was his own, drumming in his ears. 

He sat up in his bed, with a groan, his entire body hurt.  
“There was an explosion...”, Claire started, “... you lost part of your hearing because of the impact. You are lucky you had heightened hearing to begin with, otherwise you would be completely deaf now.”  
Matt didn't know what to say.  
He still had his other senses, but his hearing was probably his most important one.  
Without it, he is pretty much a normal blind person, he can forget about his alter ego “Daredevil”.  
“Is it permanent?”, Matt swallowed hard.  
And for a few second Claire said nothing and Matt didn't need all his sense to know that that was bad. 

“It might be.”, she answered honestly.  
Matt let his head fall back into the pillows with a sigh.  
“I need my hearing. Without it I'm practically useless.”, he brought out through gritted teeth and his desperation was clearly audible in his voice.  
“I know it sucks, but just try to stay calm. It might not be forever.”, Claire reassured him.  
Matt could feel tears burning in his eyes.  
“How did I even get here?”, he then tried to change the topic, taking a few shaky breaths.  
“After I heard about the bomb, I called you, but you didn't answer your phone so I went looking for you. I found you, but you were in such a bad condition that I had no other choice than to bring you to the hospital.”, she explained to him. 

Matt noticed that she spoke slower and clearer than usual and he was a little grateful for that, seeing he had to concentrate quite a lot to even just hear anything at all.  
“I need to get home, I can't stay here. You know that.”, Matt then argued, he was afraid that the men who let the bomb go off, will come looking for him here and people will get hurt. And he is in no condition to fight and protect people, so he at least had to get out of there.  
“I can't let you leave.”  
“I have to.”, Matt looked, to where he thought Claire was, and she could see that he had a firm expression on his face and she knew, that if she wasn't going to help him get out of here, he would do it by himself and who knows what would happen then.  
“Fine.”, Claire sighed defeated. 

Claire left the room to get him some clothes, he couldn't really walk around in his Daredevil armor.  
Meanwhile, Matt pushed back the blanket and swung his legs over the edge of the hospital bed.  
And for a few moments he just sat there, he had no idea how the room looked or what was going on around him. He felt blinder than he ever had before.  
His head hung low. He could only hope that his hearing would come back, otherwise he would be completely lost. And he would probably lose his mind completely as well.  
“Here.”, Claire's voice seemed to come out of nowhere and Matt quickly raised his head again.  
“Get dressed, then I am going to get you out of here.”, she ordered him.  
He held out his hands and Claire put the clothes in his hands.  
Dressing himself worked out quite well but frankly, he also didn't even really care if he wore them the right way around, because he just needed to get out of here as fast as possible.

When he was done, Claire grabbed his hand and placed it on her arm so she could guide him out of the building, since he didn't have his cane with him and the entire not hearing thing threw him off quite a bit, he needed the help.  
Matt felt like the entire hospital was empty, because he hardly heard anything at all. Usually he would hear everything. But not now, not today. 

They got into a cab and drove to Matt's home.  
He knew roughly where they were, from the turns they took and how long they drove, and when the car stopped they got out.  
He now knew where he had to go, because even if he didn't have all his sense, he still knew his flat like the back of his hand. So he should at least have no problem with that.

Walking up the stairs was hard for him, because his entire body ached, he had bruises and cuts everywhere. You should think he would be used to it by now, but you never really get used to things like that. You get a high pain tolerance, that was true, but it still hurts a lot afterwards.  
Claire was a few steps behind him.  
“Matt!”, a voice suddenly called and even though Matt could hardly hear it, he knew that it must be Foggy.  
“Claire called me... What the hell happened?”, this time Foggy spoke too quiet, Matt heard that he said something, but he just couldn't understand what it was.  
Before he could ask Foggy to repeat what he said, Claire came up behind him and answered for Matt instead.  
“He's nearly deaf.”, she only said and Foggy knew what that meant for Matt. 

Together they went into his apartment and as soon as they were inside, Matt spoke up: “You can leave now.”  
He wanted and needed to be alone now. He just had to deal with this on his own for a while. Come to terms with what is and what isn't.  
“I don't think you should be alone now.”, Foggy answered without hesitation,this time loud enough for Matt to hear.  
“Foggy, I just need some time to myself.”, Matt spoke to his best friend, but indirectly also to Claire.  
Claire nodded to Foggy, to tell him that it was okay, even though she didn't like the idea of him being all alone right now either.  
“Alright...”, Foggy agreed with a heavy sigh, “...but if there is anything you need, you call me, okay?” Even though Matt couldn't hear or sense Foggy, he could imagine his best friends face all too well right now.  
“Please, don't do anything stupid.”, Claire then added before the two of them left. 

And now there was nothing.  
No beeping, no heartbeat, no talking. 

Matt remembered how much it freaked him out as a kid, how he could suddenly hear everything so clearly, but now it's the opposite.  
He is freaked out by not hearing anything at all and this might be something he had to get used to.


	2. Pain And Anger

Matt just stood there for a while, in the middle of the room. Not moving, just waiting.   
He closed his eyes and tried to take in the things around him. Tried to concentrate on a sound or a smell or a taste, anything at all really, that would give him some normalcy and reassurance that he was not entirely screwed up. But again, there was nothing. 

He balled his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white, his nails digging into the palm of his hands and he could feel the anger boil up inside of him.   
And when he couldn't keep it inside any longer, he grabbed the edge of the table next to him and just pushed it over and it landed a few feet away with a loud crash and even with his impaired hearing, Matt could tell that something broke apart.   
Matt bit his teeth together because of the sudden stabbing pain in his side. Even though he was hurt and it definitely didn't feel pleasant, he was kind of glad. It made him feel somewhat normal again, because pain is something he knew all too well. 

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down again. In this condition he couldn't do anything, anyway.  
Matt sat down on his couch, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. He fumbled with the seam of his shirt, just so he had something between his fingers and wouldn't have to completely sit still.   
He tried to remember what Claire told him, that there is a good chance that this situation he's in right now, is not permanent.   
But no matter how hard he tried, there was this little voice in the back of his head, this little nagging sensation, that kept whispering that it's not going to get better.   
He tried not to listen, but he couldn't shake that feeling. 

He needed and wanted his senses back for all the selfish reasons, but more important yet, because the city needed him to have his senses. To let him keep on fighting. To be the “Devil of Hell's Kitchen”. To be “Daredevil”. The man the city created and the man the city needed.   
Now, though, he could only sit in his apartment and do nothing. Just the thought of it made him sick. He knew what was out there, that he could stop it or at least try to, that he could save people.

Matt must have fallen asleep from exhaustion, because the next morning he woke up on his couch, not remembering ever having fallen asleep.   
However, for some reason, he felt rested. Like it was the first time he had a few hours of proper sleep in years and that was probably true.   
Last night he was not disturbed by police sirens, by people screaming and yelling for help.

Before he could spin that thought any further, he felt his cell phone vibrate.   
He was glad that at least that sense of feeling still worked and so he picked it up and answered it, putting it on speaker and holding it close to his ear so he could hear something.   
“It's Claire. I'm outside your door.”, Claire said on the other end.   
“Give me a second.”, he answered, before hanging up and heaving himself off the couch with a groan. 

He walked over to the door and let his friend in. He knew that she was going to check up on him, so it was no surprise that she now stood in front of his front door.   
“How are you feeling?”, she asked him as she came inside.   
Matt was happy to hear her voice, because that meant actually hearing anything at all. And he liked her voice. Even if it currently sounded as if she was kilometers away.   
“How am I supposed to feel?”, he answered with a weak, sarcastic smile.   
“I don't know, because you refused to stay at the hospital, again.”, she only stated.   
She worried about Matt, she worries about him all the time and this time he seemed to be worse than ever. Even though his physical wounds aren't even that bad. 

“There is something wrong, though.”, Matt started telling Claire, he needed to be honest with her, “It's not just my hearing, that's not working. I can't smell or taste anything either.”, he explained and his voice started shaking a bit.   
Claire knew that this was not supposed to be, her heart started beating a little faster. She didn't know exactly what was wrong with him, she could only speculate. After all, she still only was a nurse and not a real doctor.   
“Maybe you got a hit to the head, that sometimes causes loss of smell and taste. Its called anosmia. I mean I did find you unconscious, who knows exactly what happened. It could also be because of the emotional stress you're undergoing right now... You know, like a kid that stops speaking for days, weeks or even years, because something traumatic happened to them... But I can't know for sure. You really should see a doctor, please.”, Claire pleaded, taking his hand into hers and tracing her finger tips over his rough and bruised knuckles. 

Matt swallowed hard before answering her: “And tell him what? I was running around as a masked vigilante when a bomb went of, leaving me deaf and without my other senses, please help.”  
He let out a desperate laugh, that made him feel that pain in his side again.   
“You are too damn stubborn for you own good!”, Claire snapped at him involuntarily. She understood what he meant, but he could just make something up and not be so reckless and irresponsible.   
“Believe it or not, but you are not the first one to ever tell me that.”

He wasn't angry or anything like that at Claire, because he understood that she only wants to help him. To get better.   
To be the man she knew he was and could be again.

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any more requests or anything like that, you can message me on my tumblr (hxbbit.tumblr.com) or just leave a comment here.   
> I hope you like it.


End file.
